What is your story? Tell us about your story from the beginning to where you are now?
Ever since I was little, I was sensitive and had a strong intuition. I would over ride this easily because of others judgements, rejection and wanting to make others happy. I wanted to fit in with everyone else by drinking, smoking and eventually doing drugs. I wanted to be loved and adored because I couldn't handle rejection without thinking it was about me and my self-worth. I developed bulimia and then anorexia. I was lost in a lot of pain except when I was in the temporary high of my behaviours.
I was the last person anyone at my school would have thought to get clean. Anxiety attacks, paranoia, rage, depression, being suicidal and being controlled was very common for me in alcoholism/addiction/eating disorder. My recovery has taken time, I didn't rid all behaviours at once. The most important thing is I haven't given up. I am three years clean, three years bulimia free, twelve months toxic relationships free and ten months restriction free. I am a reliable friend, coworker, girlfriend, sister, aunty, daughter and person. I live a very healthy balanced lifestyle of fitness, nutrition, meetings, sobriety, fun, hobbies and good connections.
What was the most challenging part about your journey? And what helped you get through?
Some of the hardest parts of my journey are losing people to addiction/alcoholism. Dealing with shock, loss and grief. Not picking up, reaching out, crying, being vulnerable, putting extra effort into my recovery and helping others is what helps me get through. Another hard part is when my mind is beating myself up so badly for a mistake I have made and I have self harm urges. The same things that help me through the grief help with that. Also saying to myself, you are learning, you are trying, you did that because you didn't know another way or it was an ingrained reaction and apologise/try again and learn for next time.
What support systems helped you in your recovery?
Meetings, psychotherapy, nutritionist/naturopath, a GP who I am honest with, friends, family and recovery friends.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting their recovery journey?
The temporary high you are searching for has come down and bad side effects which makes life harder. Recovery can be hard but the joys, love, beauty, happiness, peace you get from truly living clean doesn't come at a harsh price. Recovery is so worth it, don't give up and try again. No one in the rooms is judging you like you think they are, people want you clean, everyone deserves a seat in the rooms.
Before and After
If you would like to share your story please email us at changetosurrender@gmail.com.
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