#mystorychangetosurrender Matthew

What is your story? Tell us about your story from the beginning to where you are now?

I started drinking at a very young age, about fourteen or fifteen. I started doing this just on the weekends with my mates. I never realised that I was enjoying it too much, and started to do it more regular and through the week. I started to go house party's and stayed out for days drinking. I would start drinking as soon I woke up and would never make it to work.

I got a job in a nightclub and started to drink before my shift for confidence. Everyone could see that I was drinking during my shift but I didn't think anyone was realising. I knew at this point that I was struggling to do day to day things without drink. I went to the doctors so many times to try ask for help but I was always told that I was too young to have any problems. I have had really bad stomach pains from a young age and started to drink to just take away the pain. I tried for so long to try get help but couldn't. I tried on my own and this put me in hospital one to two times a month, even on Christmas day two years in a row.

I had seizures from withdrawal and hilusinated every time. I was scared for my life because I was living alone and this kept happening. I would lock myself in my flat and gather all the drinks I needed that I thought would last a week. But it would be gone in a day and I would have to then steal drinks for other days. I would sit in front of a heater with a micro meal in my living room thinking of ways in how to end my life or how I could hurt myself.

My family helped me so much but they could not take it anymore. I just needed them in my life and to not give up on me. I attended an alcohol unit and was told I could start antabuse. I was not ready to do this and it took me a year to finally agree to start them. Once I agreed I went out on a bender again. I was rushed into hospital because I was spewing up blood, having seizures and I was told I might not make it through the night. At the time I did not care if I did or not. This doctor saved my life by telling me this because I knew I had hit rock bottom and that's all I ever wanted but could never get there.

I went into the alcohol unit and was put on antabuse straight away and I knew it was time. I am now saving for a mortgage while living in an amazing place with a girl I am madly in love with and who loves me for who I am. I am now sober since the 10th of December 2018.

What support systems helped you in your recovery?

The best support system I had was my family who always tried to stick by me even though everyone had there own things going on. I am very lucky for the help I got.

What advice would you give to someone who is starting their recovery journey?

The best advise I would give is don't be scared to have a cry when you need to. Don't be ashamed to tell people that you are struggling. The most important part is to find another routine, whether it's having a cup of tea at a certain time of the day with your favorite biscuit or calling a family member to say hello. Find a good routine that works for you and this can be your new healthy crave.

Before and After

If you would like to share your story please email us at changetosurrender@gmail.com.