What is your story? Tell us about your story from the beginning to where you are now?
My name is Tiffany and my drug of choice was crystal methamphetamine. I come from a family that used drugs for many many years. I started drinking at the age of sixteen. By the time I was seventeen I was taking pain pills. When I was nineteen, I met the man who I was supposed to spend forever with. We dated off and on and in between relationships with other people. When I turned twenty one I stayed in the bars and night clubs. Every night I was drunk. In 2009 me and my "forever" linked back up and made our relationship official.
In 2011, I was introduced to what I thought was the best thing ever, Ice. That's when my life took a horrible turn. The relationship became abusive, people where in and out of my house all hours of the night. After a few months, I found myself in Mississippi in a rehab. I was in there for a couple days and left. I then moved over two hundred miles to get clean. My "forever" ended up in jail once again. I got a job and supported us both. I had a few months of clean time and had a good job.
He bonded out, we stayed in a motel and soon found dope. I remember it was my birthday in 2012 and I tried cocaine for the first time. I loved it. Soon we met people that hooked us up and we started getting high again. He violated his bond and they picked him up. He was gone six months and I started taken pills. Before he got out, I got an apartment not far from my job. I traveled over 200 miles to get him after months of us talking about living a clean and sober life. The minute he got out, he got high.
In July 2013 we got married and everyday we got high. If I didn't have a line, I couldn't function at work. September I found out I was pregnant. It was a girl. I was twelve weeks and lost her, because I was high and couldn't stop. I was badly depressed. Stayed in bed and lost my job. We moved and that's when I took a turn for the worse. I was lying to my husband about buying dope behind his back. We fought, he physically abused me several times. Each time after, swearing he would stop. I went as far as talking to my best friend at the time into selling her wedding ring for a gram. So not only did I have my stash, I also had what he gave me everyday before he went to work. I don't remember much because I was so out of it. By then was mixing meth with heroin, drinking and smoking weed.
September 2014 we lost everything again. I remember calling my mom crying and begging her to come get us. She didn't at first. But a couple days later she came and got me, leaving my husband to fend for himself. I later talked her and my stepdad into letting him come stay. We both got a job at the same place that was at the end of September. Thanksgiving, we had our own place again and that's when we started getting high. We were both doing it behind one anothers back. We kept our place, somehow and in 2015 we moved around so much. We would drive forty five mins every couple days and buy our dope. Our relationship was horrible.
Fast forward to 2018 he left me for another woman, his sons mother. We were spending a couple thousand a month on dope. I chased him 200 miles to try to work things out, living with a friend. He and I talked every week and by Easter he moved six hours away to be with her. That's when I worked hard to get clean. I filed for divorce and he signed the papers. I had moved on and was sober and clean. I was happy.
January 2019 I took him back and messed my sobriety up. We were together a month before he went back to jail. He spent all of 2019 in jail and I stayed clean and sober. Had a good job that I loved! I supported him once again while he was in jail. Worked hard to get a place for when he came home. January tenth of this year he got out and by the twelfth we were getting high. I was working to support our dope habit. He didn't work and I supported us.
From January until August I stayed high. He beat me, accused me of all kinds of things, I attempted suicide several times. I was unhappy and I was alone. I begged him to stop, but neither of us could. We were living in a drug infested hotel. The last few days we were together we had a huge fight. He swore he would change if I stayed. After three hours of crying, screaming and being up for six days. I agreed to work it out and not leave. He made promises and broke them the next day. I remember the last day we were together, we both slept. Woke up in a good mood. Five hours later, both of us high as ever and everything turned for the worse. I left the hotel with no shoes, no socks just my shirt, pants and my dog.
At 11 pm on that Sunday night I called my dad to come get me. I was done. I have been clean and sober since the tenth of August. On the thirteenth I moved over 200 miles from where he was to start over. Every day is a struggle. My forever ended and my heart broke. But I learnt drugs and love never mix. Two drug addicts will never make it together. Every day I think about him and hope he is okay. My love will never change. But I'm learning self love is more important. I have to take care of me before anything or anyone else. I now have forty two days clean and sober!
What was the most challenging part about your journey? And what helped you get through?
The most challenging part of my journey was losing my family and friends. The only thing that got me through the years was God and my mom. He never gave up on me. And my mother was always there.
What support systems helped you in your recovery?
My family and best friends. After I left my “forever", they were by my side. Helping me pick the pieces up and start again. Also, I downloaded an app on my phone, everyday twice a day I check in and log what I am feeling. On Instagram I follow several groups, people and find great inspiration reading their stories.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting their recovery journey?
My best advice, don’t ever let peer pressure or the influence of anyone dictate you and make you feel obligated to take them pills, smoke weed, snort a line whatever it may be. Living in the depths of hell, walking with the devil is not where you want to be. It destroyed my life for many years. The mental, physical, emotional abuse is not worth being “cool" or fitting in.
Before and After
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