What is your story? Tell us about your story from the beginning to where you are now?
Never would I have imagined that I would reach this point of my life, living sober and actually loving every moment of it. HOPE... I battled addiction for 14 years of my life and was always in denial of it. Always just scrapping through life, pretending I did not have a problem and normalised it even when it really wasn't. The final year hit me hard and I reached rock bottom. Meth and Alcohol ruined me, finally. That year, I went from 0 to 100 in just a few months. I was hospitalized for my use, lost my job, damaged relationships I cared about, destroyed my dignity, was on the verge of losing my sanity and lost myself. The depth of despair, hopelessness, shame, guilt, hurt, anger and every other negative emotion you can think of, I was feeling with heightened anxiety and paranoia to top it off. I did not know who I was becoming nor did I know how to stop. I was my own destruction, hiding behind my traumas and my use.
On the 15th of May 2018, I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I reached out for help and got treatment. The thought of change was really scary and the stigma on addiction is so great here in Asia that it is so rarely spoken about and carries so much shame to the family. I knew I needed help to live because I was on the verge of losing my sanity and I could not do it alone. I had to surrender and trust the process.
Re-discovering and learning to love myself again was the hardest but most beautiful part for me in my personal journey. I never knew I had so much love to give myself and accept myself again despite all the flaws of my past. My recovery in these past 2 years has been really fulfilling because I am now able to not only appreciate the person I truly am, but I have been given another opportunity to construct my best self again. With better decision making and a damn sound mind, I am able to manage my life better and have more more meaningful relationships, too. It's been great so far and I am so grateful that I made that decision to invest in myself.
What was the most challenging part about your journey? And what helped you get through?
The most challenging part about my journey initially was the withdrawals and cravings which lasted for a month for me; toothaches, sleepless nights, numbness of limbs, nightmares and using dreams. The other challenging part was re-discovering myself again and reliving childhood traumas to heal.
What helped me get through it was that I had made my decision internally that I never want to go back to that life again. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I hit rock bottom and that was it for me.
What support systems helped you in your recovery?
My family was my biggest support in my recovery. I was blessed with good friends who accepted me despite my flaws, and whats sustaining my recovery is support from other brothers and sisters in recovery.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting their recovery journey?
It will be a roller-coaster ride in the beginning but keep going because it will get easier in time and you will learn so much about yourself in the process which will make your recovery amazing.
Before and After
If you would like to share your story please email us at changetosurrender@gmail.com.
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